We've become people of action; people that respect decision. "Do anything, even if it's wrong, but do something! God can't steer a parked car!"But when God says, "Wait!" waiting is not indecision, it's obedience!
It's hard to wait, we're always ready to get on with it. "Let's getter done!" We're ready to move ahead, conquer and overcome, but just because we think we're ready, doesn't mean that God agrees. We don't see things from His perspective and hearing His, "Wait!" is just as important as each and everyone of His other commands. To not wait, when we know God has ask us to be still, is disobedience and peer pressure doesn't change that. "Wait" means wait and that's all wait means.
We're used to taking a problem head on and forming a plan of action and running with it! To "be still" and not know why, when it doesn't make common sense, seems foolish; we push to make things happen ~ we want to take control! We don't always give our children the details when we say "wait," but we expect them to hear it and act on it. Our "wait" always has their best interests at heart, their failure to obey could bring devastating consequences.
I feel like I've waited months, desiring to get on with my life, but have sensed God's restraint and there always seemed to be that one more thing to do. There's been the need for healing, many things to take care of. It's been 8 months, today, since Jim went home to be with the Lord. My life, in but a moment, was turned upside down, never to be the same again. No longer a couple, but one; no longer a pastor's wife; but God used that brokenness and change for good ~ to build a deeper, stronger and more intimate relationship with Him.
God hasn't forsaken me, He's filled the void with Himself! He's carried me, comforted and counseled! For 8 months, He has met my every need ~ He's taken care of me, completely. He's provided in ways, like Jim's dad says, "Well, it's just unexplainable" ~ unimaginable ways! It's made a huge impact on my life, how I view God has been forever changed. I've seen His care first hand; He's shown me the depth of His love in ways I've never seen. There's no other explanation for what's taken place, but that it's been Him. I don't know why, but He's taken the time to show me Himself, up close and personal. The depth of His love has only bred a deeper love and trust, a desire to be with Him, to follow Him, no matter what.
The blessings have been as great or greater than the grief! He's caused me to soar, just when I needed to be peeled off the floor! He's shown me Himself, the depth and height of His love, when the void seemed larger than the Grand Canyon. He has walked and talked with me, as if we were face to face, when I appeared to be all alone. Not only do I not want to forget it, I want Him to keep me here, whatever that takes. I know if left to myself, I will move away, I know my frame. I don't want to move on with life, as if He never happened, but to remain, to abide and go deeper still.
There's a light, now, at the end of the tunnel! God seems to be bringing closure, here. I'm finally, coming up on a moving sale next weekend, a move seems to be but weeks away. There's mixed emotions, leaving those I care about and love here; but I want to go with God and that will always move me out of my comfort zone. I do not know the assignment, but only know we're going to the east coast and then He will show me what's next. He still requires me to trust Him, one day at a time, one step at a time. God has promised to establish me and I believe He will; He's done all He's said He would do, He will do this too!
For those of you that I know are following my blog that have lost spouses too, I continue to pray for you, daily! One of you is about 6 months ahead of me and two of you are about 6 months behind me. You have all been an inspiration to me! We have all handled it differently, every situation is unique, but what we all have in common is Jesus as our Lord ~ He has been our comfort! May God bless and keep you, as you look ahead to Him, as your expectant hope. I know it's difficult, and beyond overwhelming, but I know God will continue to see us through. I know there are stages of grief and loss and sometimes they are repeated. I pray God will hold you fast at whatever stage you find yourself in today, as only He can do ~ you can trust Him for that. It's been good for me to be still and work through the grief before making any big moves; God knows us better than we know ourselves. We can trust He knows best!
I know I have become more heavenly minded through this, as more of those whom I treasure, so deeply, are there; but, as I seek the passions of God's heart, my heart becomes more burdened for the lost. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain, but what about those that would perish? I don't want to live a life grieving over what I've lost, but to celebrate what Jim has gained and to live the life I have left for eternity's sake. I want to move beyond the grief, to a God centered life, to love Him with all my heart, mind, soul and strength and to have a love for others.
There's more changes ahead ~ a move to the east coast and then a move from there, to whatever God calls me to: finding work, a new church family, ministry, whatever. And there's the leaving behind of those I've come to love here, my church family, coworkers and friends. Change doesn't come easy! With so much change, I'm all the more grateful for what remains the same: God never changes ~ He is always the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow!
Though, I haven't been writing blogs, recently, you're on my heart, I haven't forgotten you, I pray for you! I'm still sitting at His feet, but turning to do what He's given me to do. Know I'm praying for each one of you! I covet your prayers, as well, as I step in faith to follow after God, seeking to be in total surrender, to do whatever He asks, wherever He leads. May God bless each one of you! Lord willing, I will be able to return to the blogging I so enjoy, soon! But for the moment, the waiting is over and action is required to be in obedience.
Keep seeking! The love relationship is key to knowing God's will and hearing His voice! We must remain in the Vine, daily! It's like manna, yesterday's bread, grows stale, we have to feed ourselves the Word, fresh and anew each day. Each morning to align ourselves with Him, to know what's on His heart and what's important. May God bless you and keep you! Lord willing, I'll be back soon, but until then keep abiding!
Of Like Precious Faith,
Sheryl
