God Is Enough!

Have you ever experienced something SO BIG, something that was so overwhelming,  you knew immediately, "This is completely out of my control"? Everything within you wanted to take control and make it ALL okay, but you had no power to change the circumstances. Maybe you got the call that a loved one had just been in a serious accident or maybe a teen ran away from home; maybe someone dear to your heart was facing an emergency surgery and it was questionable as to whether they'd be able to live through the needed procedure. These kind of trials unnerve us, they cause us to have to reach down into the depths of who we are and it's then that we find that we come up short. We may turn to others for help, but they have no power to control the circumstances either. We need something, someone far greater than ourselves to bring peace in those moments that life is spiraling out of our control. How do we keep from spiraling down with our circumstances? How do we find peace in the midst of the storms of life?

Less than a month ago, my husband, best friend and soulmate became very ill; we didn't know how ill he really was. As I called for an ambulance, I had no idea that he would never return home. Upon his arrival at the local hospital tests were run and it became evident, very quickly, that they weren't equipped to handle his medical needs. The doctor began making calls to nearby hospitals with a kidney unit. One hospital didn't feel equipped to handle his needs, another had no openings. In a four hour period, it became obvious, that not only was my husband sick, but he was too unstable to be transported by roadways, but would need to be life flighted. There was alot of information for me to process in a short time and some decisions that had to be thought through, quickly. After asking some direct and key questions, I chose to drive the three hours, so I'd have a vehicle to get around and to get back. I stopped by the house to pick up a few things and I arrived after midnight at Portneuf Medical Center and spent the night in the ICU waiting room.

Another couple (their daughter with a massive blood clot) and I waited and, longingly, hoping to hear good news, but it was all very much out of our control. The next day more and more tests and Jim's blood pressure only dropped lower, his organs were shutting down and they did find he had a urinary tract infection and knew he was septic, but still hadn't found the source. Then there was dialysis and more tests and finally, the one test that they had not done because of the kidney failure. (Jim's kidneys were not able to filter out the dye,  that had to be used for a CT Scan), but, now, they did it as a life saving measure . . . only to find that there was nothing they could do, it was out of their control too!

When Jim heard the diagnoses, that he could not live off of life support, he motioned for a dry erase board and wrote, "Let me go!"My daughter had arrived the night before after midnight ~ there were NOT enough words to express to him all that he had meant to us. We called the team back in to see the message he wrote and told them we agreed; to show us how to do this, appropriately. As they began the process of unplugging all the meds, the giving of morphine and the removing all the tubes from his throat, we began to sing! Yes, we sang!!! With all our hearts, with tears and great JOY, we sang to the one we treasured, so deeply, as he entered the kingdom of heaven! There were not enough verses, there was not enough time, BUT there was enough grace!!! God is enough! God was empowering us to go beyond the human response. The foundation of His truths that we had built our lives on caused us to be able to STAND and not to cower in fear and self-centeredness. God showed up and HE carried us as we rose to the occasion to celebrate our loved one going HOME!

I've been through many difficult times in my life: two miscarriages, the loss of both parents and now the loss of my best friend and soulmate and I can tell you, in all honesty ~ only God is enough! God alone can fill this void, this emptiness ~ He is able! God created me to be a victor, not a victim!

I am so very excited for Jim! It's finished! He's home! He lives! But what I want you to know, now, not even a month later ~ God is enough! I can look forward to my life, with expectant hope! Yes, expectant hope! How??? Because of the intimate relationship I have with God, my Father; because of the truths that I've built my life on, I can STAND in the face of trials. I can CHOOSE joy, I can CHOOSE to be a VICTOR!

Jim's life is finished; mine is not! It's my choice as to how I'm going to spend it. I do have a choice! I want it to count! I want my life to make a difference for eternity! God has a purpose for my life and I want to fulfill His plans and purposes. So, I'm choosing to place my faith in the God I love and who gave His life for me. I have been bought with a price and the blood Christ spilt for me has bought my freedom from the chains of sin ~ I am no longer a slave to sin! I can choose to live for Him in freedom!

Jim was a pastor for 32 years ~ some say when a pastor dies that a pastor's wife loses her identity. I disagree! I haven't lost my identity ~ God will only add to it! Jim was called to be a pastor as a small boy and I was called to fulltime ministry as a teen. God is still writing the same book, just a new chapter!

I can only praise God for sharing Jim with me the years that He did! I am so grateful! Jim was my best cheerleader and he loved me enough to last a lifetime, maybe two! I have been deeply cherished! Many search a life time for that kind of love and never find it. I am so blessed to have had him! I have so MANY memories to treasure, 35 wonderful years!

Can grief and celebration go together? Yes, in my world they do! I know it's not going to be easy, but God is enough! It's my intimate relationship with God, my Father, that I KNOW will be what sustains me! May God bless you and keep you! Ask God to show you Himself and the depth of His love for you! He wants to know you PERSONALLY, draw near to Him and He will draw near to you! If you're reading this, I'm praying for you!