I don't know about you, but it's my desire to walk in God's Presence every day! I want to be sensitive to His Spirit, to have my eyes fixed on Him, to align myself with Him, daily, and to be receptive to Him through out the day. I want to know Him, more intimately, with each passing day and I ask Him daily to show me more of Himself. I want the passions of His heart to be mine! I want to hunger and thirst for His word! I want to walk in the light of His Presence and to do His will! But I find myself falling short, yet, He never fails me! He's always there, He never leaves my side and He always waiting to help me up when I stumble. His ways are not burdensome, they bring great joy! And He always reminds me that His is "an everlasting love"!
When I read verses like Hebrews 6:1
"And without faith it is impossible to please God." (I see how far I have to go, I fall far short!)
When Jim went home to be with the Lord, I wasn't working. I had injured my shoulder in January of 2010 pretty bad and months later it became frozen. You, literally, could not force it to move. I had been seeking the Lord for health and fitness and a frozen shoulder seemed, in my opinion, to be moving in the wrong direction, but God used it for good! God used it to answer my prayer request; He used it to funnel me to not only a therapist, but a very knowledgeable one, who would offer to be my trainer and nutritionist, as well. I was amazed how God provides for every step of a journey that belongs to Him!
The therapist, immediately, told me how serious this injury was and that we needed to hit it hard and fast. It took 3 weeks, twice a week, with a therapist in the pool and three days of ultrasound and electrode therapy just to get it to move again. Now, it was June and we began the very slow process of strengthening; the pool twice a week continued and the gym three times a week with exercises changing. By July, I was exercising at the other end of the pool with a group. In September, Judy, my therapist, could see my heart's desire and offered to help me with continuing to strengthen the shoulder, but asked if I wanted her to help me with health and fitness too. I was elated, I knew God was answering my prayers, but you have to realize every step, meant trusting God to provide each week, the money needed to continue this expensive route. People questioned how I was affording this, but Jim and I saw God's hand in it and we both knew I had been crying out to God to do what I hadn't been able to do. I couldn't just exercise and diet, I had hip bursitis and plantar fascitis in both feet. I had caused other injuries trying to do it on my own. God had identified this as His journey, my part was to have the faith that He would provide and to walk in trust and obedience.
When the chemicals in the pool began to cause me to break out, I decided to believe that it was God pushing me into the gym, my trainer was excited at the progress, as was I. I was in the gym three days a week and exercising everyday at home, as well. (7 days a week) I was journaling my food and my exercise and recording it all with an online tool which kept track of calories, proteins, carbs, fats and natural sugar and salt in foods. I was eating no processed foods, lean meats, fruit, vegetables and no complex carbs, salt, sugar or sweetners. I knew I'd asked God, specifically, for what my body needed, so I chose to trust the program He designed for me. I learned alot about fitness and how to trick your body into continuing to lose. I was amazed that my asthma, hip bursitis, IBS and plantar fascitis, all went away! God is all knowing! Who are we to question His ways? Oh, if I'd but learn just to follow!
We can ask God for something, but we have to believe and be able to recognize it when He brings the answer. We have to respond in faith and continue each day to simply follow. We have to be willing to do the unreasonable, things that make no common sense at all. God's thoughts are not our thoughts! We can not follow God and depend on our own human reasoning!
This journey came to an intermission when Jim got sick. I was heart sick that I only had 35 lbs. to go, but it was clear where I needed to be, so I entrusted it to God. I didn't know it then, but God was preparing me for a walk that would require a much greater faith!
So, as of Jim's death was on December 12th, 2011 I was not working. I knew I'd need to get a job, quickly, but Jim's memorial service was on the east coast, on January 4th. My church wanted to fly me out to be with my daughter, Jill, and her family for Christmas in PA and then from there I rode with them to Columbus, OH and spent 9 days with Jim's sister, Jill, and her husband, Terry. God was requiring me to trust Him and I had to take the step of faith to believe God could take care of the finances during that time. I knew God provided for me to go, so I stepped in faith. I flew back to Idaho on January 6th and began preparing for the Celebration of Life service, here, on the 12th. I was in complete awe of God's provisions for me during this time! It had been a month, with me not working. I was completely, overwhelmed by His amazing love! Someday, I hope to know how to tell the details of this story, so you get the full impact, but I haven't found the words yet!
The bills for the hospitals, life flight and imaging companies rolled in and there was the medicaid packet and disability, which is more paperwork than one would imagine. I was still numb and in shock and God continued to meet my every need and to carry me each step of the way. A bill would arise and He would meet it; I would need wood and someone would bring it! I only asked God for my needs and He provided! I've seen things I've never seen!
God provided a way for me to move back to the east coast, so I began to prepare for what I thought would be a quick move, assuming that's why God was providing in such an amazing way! So, I didn't get work, I began going through closets and through the garage and throwing away and repacking and hauling alot to the dump. At the same time I was seeking a decree for power of attorney to be able to sell the vehicles that weren't in my name; desiring to leave here with every bill paid! These people gave us their services in good faith and my every desire is to see everyone of those taken care of! That process has taken longer than I expected and only 6 weeks ago, I got the power of attorney and was able to apply for the titles, which took three weeks to get. So, here I am just now seeking to sell the vehicles and seeking God as to what to sell and what to keep. Only He knows the journey ahead ~ I'm willing to walk away with only a suitcase, if that's His desire. I am in the palm of His hands! I'm looking to Him for all things!
So, why would a person share such personal information with the public? It's because I'm jealous for you to know that God provides for His children! He keeps His promises! We can trust Him!
This winter, He kept me thinking day to day, that I was making a quick move and then would add another thing, with me thinking that it wouldn't take long. Jim has such dear parents and Ed has kept in close contact with me, hearing each step and move and has counseled me: "God is moving you, He's choosing to provide, keep packing, He's moving you!" So, I packed and threw out and dealt with all the mountains of paperwork and I'm still here! But what I want you to know is God has taken complete care of me! Not because I'm unwilling to work, but because He wanted to make sure that I couldn't say I did it! I'm His, I've been seeking to "plumb the depths of God"! Asking, daily, for Him to show me Himself, to take me "deeper still"! He's wanted to show me right up front, "Sheryl, I've got you, I'm going to take care of you in unimaginable ways!" To go with God requires faith, just that of a mustard seed, but none the less, it requires faith! To know God, intimately, requires time spent with and to be willing to journey with Him and do the ridiculous, that which makes no common sense!
David and Goliath, does that make sense? Noah, building an ark in the desert, because it was gonna "rain"(it never had before)? What about Gideon going up against an army that was like locusts with only 300 men armed with lanterns, a trumpet and a shout? Joshua marching around the walls of Jericho? What about Jehoshaphat armed with prayer and fasting and his army armed with men singing praises of the splendor of His Holiness, while God ambushed the armies before them! Explain that to me! These aren't just stories, they really happened in time and space! In all of these situations God was seen as Sovereign or the Victor!
Call me stupid, and many have thought me so, in these past 6 months, as God directed me, daily, in what He wanted me to do. I've hung on His every word! Sound ridiculous, yes! Makes no common sense? None at all! But I have sat at the Lord's feet for hours on end, in my grief, desiring to know Him, to plumb the depths of God and turn and make Him known! Knowing only He could fill the void, that He alone could meet my every need! What I'm telling you is that He has chosen to show me that He can take care of me for 6 months! Completely, Him alone! Sound irresponsible on part? I'm sure! I have no response, except if I'm walking in such disobedience and such great irresponsibility, why is God being so faithful to take such detailed care of me? Do I have it more together than others? I assure you that I DO NOT!!! I am but a sinner saved by grace! God has chosen to show me the depth of His love! He is answering my heart's desire, to know Him, more intimately, with each passing day and to turn and make Him known! I, simply, cried out, "Show me more of Yourself!" And He is!
You have no idea of the extent of this care of which I write today! It's unimaginable! I am in awe! I can not explain it and if you think it sounds absurd, I agree, but I promise you I am not lying! God has, completely, taken care of me for 6 months as of June 12th. He is worthy of praise and I praise Him!
As I continue to pack and seek His will, in even the small things, I covet your prayers! The things written on the tablet of my heart, that I believe God has written there, are much bigger than me! I tremble at the thought, I am human, just like you! I only want to do His will, to have the courage to follow Him! To be willing to have the faith it requires to do the ridiculous! To walk by faith! "Dear God, please help me!" I haven't attained this yet and after He's been so very faithful, it grieves my heart that I fall short, when He has shown me Himself and His faithfulness in such great ways!
I hope this will be an encouragement to you in your walk. Those that are close to me and have called daily have gotten to witness this blow by blow! They are as much in awe as I am and it has really made impact on my sister, Jeanie and my niece! Jeanie's found a church with excellent teaching and is in the Word daily! "O Lord, thank you for answered prayer!"
God chooses to show Himself faithful in the midst of our weaknesses, for then His power and might can be seen! Jim's dad keeps in encouraging me, "You are doing it right, keep doing what you're doing!" But, oh if he only knew how my faith wavers at times!
Some day God will show me how to tell this story, but for now, I cannot find the words! Westbow Press, an extension of Thomas Nelson publishing is encouraging me to write a book. (They've read this blog.) That is in God's hands, when God is ready to be the author, I will be the penman, and I will write all He wants to say, but until then, it would have no power, it would just be my empty words. He is saying, "Wait!" I will wait on Him! I covet your prayers! May God Bless you and strengthen you in your faith, as you continue to walk with Him! I'm praying for you, keep your shield of faith up, it's our forward guard, it must be held up!
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