Growing up, fear seemed to control my world. It wasn't till I looked back, from an adult perspective, later, that I understood how it was sown in my life. I was never afraid of the dark until I was about 5 years old, until one night I learned there was something in the dark to be afraid of ~ it hurt me.
I slept in a high single bed, but kept falling out on the hardwood floor and would wake up crying, so my parents put a railing on my bed, but that wasn't what caused my fear. I knew it was the floor that was hurting me and the railing took care of that. I, often, slept though, with the covers off of me ~ living in the south, it was hot and humid in the spring and summer months. I wasn't afraid and slept with my hands hanging out of the railings till something bit me. I was too afraid to get out of the bed and turn on the light to see what it was. I didn't sleep the rest of the night, but lay awake with the covers up over my mouth and nose hot and scared, too afraid to even call for help. That one experience, told me there was something in the dark to be afraid of. After that, I was afraid to go upstairs for anything at night. My parents tried taking me upstairs and showing me shadows and that there was nothing to be afraid of in the dark, but I already knew different. No one bothered to ask why I was afraid, what happened to cause the immediate change. (I know now, from an adult perspective, looking back on it ~ it was my cat, "Mint", but I did not know that then.) I slept, hot, under covers, afraid of the dark, until adulthood, when I finally asked myself, "Why am I afraid?"
Later, our family moved to a different location, out and away from the city. My fears of the dark were only added to, when all the sudden, at night before bed, my dad started putting a chain on the front and back doors, a broom stick in the sliding glass door and a gun on his end table by his bed. He, also, put big nails on the windows, so they couldn't be opened beyond 4 inches. (I remember asking about it, but the answer did not help me) This told me again there was something in the dark to be afraid of. So, immediately, I didn't want to sleep in my room, but on the floor in my parents room. The bushes rubbing against the window scared me ~ the nails on the windows told me there was someone out there that might try to get in, as well as, the chains, broom stick and gun. (I got the message real clear.) My dad had been a amateur boxer, I saw him as tough and fearing nothing, he'd never been afraid of anything, but there was a change and I saw it. I didn't want to go down the dark hall to my room to do my homework or to go to bed. I became their nightmare and it didn't matter how many times they said there was nothing to be afraid of.
Much later I found out why the change: There were a couple of convicts that had escaped from a prison, only miles away. The men's scent had been followed to our area by the blood hounds and my dad being older, wasn't feeling as confident as he might have once been. The police and blood hounds, apparently, had come through our yard one night with flash lights, shining them into my play house and etc. It actually, turns out the convicts were hiding out in the house next door, that was under construction for a few nights ~ a good reason for dad's caution.
My mom was a fearful person, but my dad was not, until that point. I, also, found out later in adulthood, that my mom's fears were fueled by her dad being over cautious too, having had a brother shot and killed. My parent's reactions caused my fear, but they were angry with me and very frustrated with mine. ~ their words and their actions gave me opposite messages. (Their actions spoke louder than their words.)
Trust or faith is not a natural response, it's something we have to practice, learn and choose to walk in.
James 1:7 says "he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind". Verse 8 calls this kind of man a "double minded man, unstable in all he does" and that he shouldn't expect to receive anything from the Lord.
Psalm 1:3 says we are to be as trees, firmly planted ~ stable. Colossians 2:7 says we are to "live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthen in the faith". Trust or faith is spoken of again in Jeremiah 17:7-8: "But blessed (happy) is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him." Listen to the characteristics of a tree (person) in verse 8: "He is like a tree planted by water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
This tree is firmly planted, stable, strong, with deep roots (it's found it's water source and dug deep so when times of drought come, it still flourishes, it continues to bear fruit) it has "no worries" when heat (adversity) comes.
The question is, "Does this describe us?" Do we place our trust and confidence in God or when adversity comes, do we feel insecure, fear, or anger? Do we panic, worry and stress, try to reason and figure things out? Are we dependent on ourselves? Do we rush to fix it, or is our first response to turn to God, in confidence, seeking Him, in prayer? Faith opens the door for God's grace to be put in motion, when we seek God, He responds with grace, by being "an ever present help in trouble".
How would you rate your emotional stability? If we respond to everything, by emotions or feelings, instead of faith, we are going to be riding an emotional roller coaster all our lives and weary ourselves. Emotions in the dictionary are described as, fear, love, hate, anger, sadness, happiness, etc. We all have emotions, but if our first response is always through our emotions, our feelings, we will move up and down with every circumstance and situation. We will fall in and out of happiness because our happiness is dependent on things going well for us. We'll only know peace when things are going good.
But we can choose peace and joy, in every situation when we walk by the Spirit. Now, we've moved our confidence to God ~ taking everything to Him, first and foremost. When we feel that first twinge of doubt ~ we run to Him! Now, we are no longer tossed to and fro, we can choose to respond in faith, believing He is fully aware of our problem and believing He will act in our favor, giving us wisdom and see us through whatever it is. We can learn to manage our emotions! (It takes time and practice) Ask for God's help.
I encourage you to seek to walk by the Spirit ~ when we are responding to life's circumstances with emotion, we are not walking by the Spirit. Being able to depend on Jesus' stability, our Rock, we can stay calm in adversity.
Romans 5:13 says,
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace (as you trust in Him), so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Psalm 91:1 says,
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain STABLE and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty." (Rest is a place ~ a secret place)
Psalm 37:8 says,
"Do not fret, it only leads to evil."
Galatians 5:22-25 says,
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ have crucified the sinful nature with it's passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."
Galatians 5:16-17 says,
"So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature."
Galatians 5:8b says,
"The one who sows to please the Spirit will reap eternal life."
May you turn to God with confidence and choose peace. God isn't condemning, so when we mess up, we can ask forgiveness and continue to work at captivating our thoughts unto Christ, walking by the Spirit, not by our emotions and feelings. May God bless you as you seek to walk in faith!
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