It's only been just over a month since God took my husband and best friend home to be with Him! I praise God for the numbness because I know it is a buffer to protect me from the grief hitting all at once. Even times of grief and loss are filled with blessings, if one has the eyes to see.
Joyce Meyer's, "Battlefield Of The Mind" and it's sequel, "Power Thoughts", have been a great precursor that God gave me, to give me the power of choosing my thoughts, His perspective, through the loss of someone I treasured so much! We make alot of choices daily, but how we choose to think about everything, impacts our lives far more than we give them credit for. "As a man thinks, so is he." Perspective and the way we choose to think about our lives, our daily circumstances, from moment to moment, day to day can make us or break us! How we choose to think is our choice! I can choose to respond to life in fear or in faith and both would have a very different outcome! I can choose to deal with my loss, with a grateful heart, focused on God's many blessings or I can choose to focus on self, with self-pity & bitterness; either choice will greatly impact my day to day life ~ how I feel, how I act and also, how those around me are impacted by my choice.
Which kind of person are you drawn to? One that has a grateful heart, that looks at life with expectant hope and confidence or someone who is bitter, ungrateful, negative and an emotional tidal wave! Yes, grief is healthy, normal, and even important and has it's place; I've asked God to keep me in check ~ making sure that it doesn't move to something unhealthy, like depression or anger.
It's a choice to choose to trust God, to believe even the difficult things in life have been sifted through His fingers of love. God did not take my husband to cause me pain or make my life miserable, but He will use it to strengthen me and draw me closer to Himself, if I will allow Him to.
The grief has come in waves: night before last, I was journaling, talking to the Lord, when a giant wave of grief hit, that's normal. The last memorial service was only 5 days ago; for some that's often when the grief hits, yet everyone is different. I found that giant wave hitting me, as I sat in my heavenly Father's loving Presence and found it to be a good and safe place to pour out my heart and grief ~ if I wasn't grieving that would be concerning!
It's my personal and intimate relationship with the Lord, though, that is empowering to be able to respond beyond human nature ~ to be able to have joy and to laugh and to have hope for my future, instead of not wanting to go on living. It's all about perspective! I don't have it all together, I don't know all the answers, but I have learned who to go to for my every need! When I don't know what to do or don't know what I need, on my knees is where I find my answers. It's where I get filled up, renewed and find direction. God is the one who is sustaining me and giving me His strength in my weakness right now. It's His truths, at times like this, that cause me to choose to trust Him and not to focus on my circumstances. It's hard, I have to work to captivate my thoughts ~ sometimes, I miss the mark, but God is always there, comforting, forgiving and understanding.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear thou not, for I am with Thee, be not dismayed for I am thy God, I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee in the right hand of my righteousness."
Isaiah 46:1 says, "God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."
These truths are a pattern of thought for me to apply to my life and when lived out, bring faith, hope and strength. These words empower me to see the choices I have and give me insight to choose a godly perspective of the struggles I am dealing with. It doesn't mean I choose, rightly, every time; but if I'm putting God's truths in every day, if I'm reading His word daily, then I am being reminded of where I can make changes in my thoughts and actions to live more victoriously. God wants us to grow through times like these, to depend on Him and to look to Him for our every need; He wants to meet them. Choosing to make God's truths our power thoughts and our perspective for life, brings us a power filled life! Perspective is everything!
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